Dear God / Universe / Entity in charge of fertility,
In sixteen days I will turn 30. The only thing I really want for this momentous birthday is a baby. Obviously I will not be giving birth within the next couple weeks, but I would be equally happy with a pregnancy. Aunt Flo is due next week but I'd rather take an extended break from her visits. Could you please give her the message for me? I would really appreciate it.
Your humble servant,