Monday, June 4, 2012

Monday musings

The world has stopped spinning. My vertigo slowly tapered off into nothingness. I'm pretty much feeling back to normal. My symptoms were thankfully very slight over the weekend. We went to visit my sister so we could see my niece's dance recital. The auditorium had very steep tiered seating and later in the day we visited the top of a scenic bluff. Both experiences would have been almost impossible a few days ago when my dizziness was at it's worst. 


Physically I'm feeling much better, but psychologically I'm on pins and needles. Will Aunt Flo come barging back into my life this week or will I be granted my birthday wish? I'm getting impatient and having a hard time concentrating on anything else. I wish I could share this burden with my husband but he seems pretty oblivious about it. He'll find me staring off into space and ask what's wrong. Um, hello... do I even have to answer that inane question? 

Don't get me wrong - he's been very supportive throughout this journey, but somehow he manages to live life without obsessing about it. I wish I could but it's not in my nature. It's something that is out of my control so I feel helpless, and thus I strive to find ways to fix it. He seems content to let fate decide. He says he knows that someday, somehow we will be parents. The passing years don't seem to faze him. They do faze me - I don't want to be 65 when my kids are graduating! I want to be young enough to have the energy to enjoy my kids and grandkids. 

Speaking of him, perhaps it's time to give him a name in my bloggy world. Then I won't have to keep writing "my husband" every time I mention him. It sounds too formal for a man who is anything but. 


Henceforth, he shall be referred to as J. 


There are many emotional differences between myself & J, but somehow we even each other out. I obsess, he calms me down. I cry, he gives me a hug and cracks a joke to bring back my smile. I'm so thankful to have someone who can soothe me at my darkest moments, and I hope he thinks I do the same for him. 


Thanks for reading. J won't understand my womanly obsession, but I know you ladies you will. 

7 comments:

  1. Ann, I could have written this post myself! In fact I started to today! My J sounds very similar. I'm currently forming my next speech to him about our next steps. The passing years/ being old parents are top of the list. I completely understand!

    Keep your head up, you're surrounded by obsessive infertiles :) XO

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    1. Glad to know I'm not alone. :) I knew you ladies would understand.

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  2. They don't obsess, you're right. Sometimes it's hard to relate, especially right at the end of a 2ww. Best of luck Ann. Fingers crossed. AF is due for me this Friday. Ugh.

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    1. We're both Geminis AND our cycles are almost synced. Weird!

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  3. Your womanly obsession! I not only understand it but also love its name (as much as I hate it).

    Saying "my husband" sounds funny to me too. I thought it would be better being married, to be able to avoid saying "my boyfriend" (uuuughh), but I'm not sure. I hardly ever speak the word, but I sure use it a lot in my blog. In any case, it's nice to have made the introduction to J!

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    1. I always hated saying "my boyfriend" too. I'm not sure why that is because I have no trouble saying "my mother-in-law" or "my aunt", but for some reason I hate giving J a title. He's just J, my most important person.

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    2. "Most important person" sounds much more accurate than mere "husband"!

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