Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Better luck next time

I did it... I peed on a stick this morning. Aunt Flo is due today or tomorrow and I just couldn't wait. I'd rather steel myself before her arrival than be ambushed. 

So, I peed on a stick and it was.... negative. 

Might as well hurry up and get here, Flo...let's get this over with. The only bright side is that I can now drink whatever I want on my birthday. It's a hollow prize however, since I'd much rather celebrate by thinking about a little life growing in my belly. 

Okay, so my 20's wasn't my fertile decade. Maybe I'll have better luck in my 30's. If that's the case I can't wait to bid adieu to my 20's. Just a few more days and I can leave this wretched decade of my life behind. 

Sure there were good moments, but the really momentous happy moments were relegated to my early 20's - college, wedding, new house, new puppy. Then I hit 25 and things drastically changed - my mom's death, infertility. I never expected my life to be perfect but I never knew I would bear such heavy grief before I hit 30. I know there are millions of people much worse off than me and I am truly thankful for the comfortable life that I live, but I can't help wondering why I can't just be granted one simple wish... why are so many babies born to those who don't even want them when I have the ability to provide a healthy, loving home for a child? 

It's maddening! As is awaiting my impending guest. C'mon, Flo. I'm armed and ready, bring it!


  1. Ah, crap! I'm sorry it was negative! I know what you mean about your 30's. (although I'm having a hard time with "over 30") I'll be cheers-ing your birthday with a huge glass of wine :)

  2. Sorry :( I hate that maddening single line with a passion. May this upcoming birthday usher in a happier decade!

  3. That sucks. I am sorry, it is extra horrid when there is something like a birthday and you kinda want to believe you will be celebrating two things instead of one. I can't bring myself to test anymore, it is too painful. I just wait for the inevitable arrival. I guess after we start treatments I may change my mind but I don't think so.

  4. Aww Ann, I'm sorry. I was hoping for that double line before 30 as well. Something about that age that feels like a pass/fail deadline. I'll be thinking of you on your birthday and in this next cycle.


  5. Hugs. 30 is the best though. Celebrate fellow gemini!