Wednesday, May 2, 2012

I hate May

I hate May. There's too many sad memories in May. May is the last time I saw my mom alive (I can't remember if I hugged her good-bye or not and I hate that I can't remember). May is when she was snatched from my life. May is when we planned her funeral. May is when I saw her laid out in a casket (I really hate this memory). May is when I cried more tears than I ever thought humanly possible.


May also holds Mother's Day in the U.S. What a loathsome holiday. People should appreciate their moms every day, not just on a commercialized holiday (Hindsight is 20/20 - I really wish I had followed this creed when my mom was still alive). Mother's Day is a horrible slap in the face for a motherless daughter and for an infertile... it's a double whammy for my poor soul. It's a constant reminder of all I have lost and all I have yet to achieve. 


This May I have decided to stay away from Facebook, TV commercials and the greeting card aisle until Mother's Day has passed. Sure, I'll still be exposed to other reminders and advertisements (They're so persistent that it's hard to miss them), but I can at least try to limit the amount that I see. I do not need to let myself get sucked in the abyss.


Easier said than done. May will still be hard, but I'll get through it one way or another. It doesn't help that I'm also nearing the end of my cycle. I'm anticipating another BFN before next week hits - I'm anticipating it because hoping for a positive is too scary. I can't let myself hope too much, not this month when my spirits will already be dangerously low. (Sorry ladies, I probably won't be much of an optimist for the next couple weeks.)


Hurry up, May. Let's get this over with!

14 comments:

  1. New follower here! I found you on Megan's blog. I'm so sorry May is so difficult for you. I can't imagine how hard Mother's Day must be. I agree with you, that mothers should be appreciated every day- not because Hallmark says to. Big hugs to you!

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  2. Oh, I am so sorry! Mother's Day is difficult for me, too, but to loose one's own mother during May is, like you said, a double-whammy.

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    1. It's one of those ironic things that life sometimes throws your way. Unfortunately you'll get to witness this as you grieve with your friend's family. I'm sending lots of love your way! It's going to be a rough time for you all.

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    1. Thanks, Lola. I appreciate everyone's support!

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  4. A double whammy indeed. I will be thinking of you and hoping these next few weeks pass quickly and as painlessly as possible for you. How true it is, that people should appreciate their mothers (and all their loved ones) not just one day a year, but simply and truly every day.

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    1. It's hard to remember once the daily stress of life gets in the way, but every once it's a while it's good to take a step back and really think about it. Unfortunately, it sometimes takes a tragedy to give us this perspective.

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  5. I will be thinking of you this weekend. You have so much to deal with during this manufactured unhelpful holiday and I am so sorry about that. Look after yourself my dear and I hope you find some glitters of sunshine during May.

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    1. Thank you! I love that... "glitters of sunshine"... I'll be on the look out for those. :)

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  6. Tough month ahead. Hugs to you.

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  7. I'm so sorry that May bring back all these horrible things. Hugs and not just a wimpy one but like a great big bear hug so hard it cracks your back!

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