Wednesday, April 18, 2012

A gift for her

Infertility not only torments the couple immediately affected, it also reaches its ugly arms to those who love them. These loved ones watch the couple suffer and mourn their own loss as their hope for a grandchild, niece, nephew or cousin dwindles.

My mother-in-law underwent a heart procedure yesterday. Everything went well and she is recuperating nicely, but it's moments like this that cause me to reflect on the fragility of life… and the lack of new life in our family. My mother-in-law is a remarkable woman and has been a great comfort to me since my mom's passing. I fervently wish I could give her the gift of a grandchild, especially while she is still relatively young and able to enjoy the experience. My own grandmothers were elderly when I was born, and while I know they loved me very much, they didn’t always have the energy to spend time with me.

I know my mother-in-law will be a wonderful grandma someday and I wish she didn't have to wait so long to become one. It will happen someday - if we never have children I'm sure her other son will eventually procreate - but I wish it had already happened. I hear her wistfully talking about other people's grandchildren, and see her cuddling her grand-dog and grand-kitty and my heart breaks. Pets are a wonderful comfort but all the pets in the world cannot replace the breathtaking smile of a baby. She's done so much for me... I wish I could give her the offspring of her oldest son.

I may not be able to tell her today that she’s about to be a grandma, but I hope I can relay that message someday soon. My own desires keep me going, but it’s the hopes of all those that surround me that really drive me. What can I say – I’m a giver by nature. 


  1. It's so true that not only those who want to be parents are touched by the lack of a child. I love that it's your hopes for others that drive you - may that always bring you strength.

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  3. When I was in the midst of the infertility saga, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I'd just had a failed IVF cycle, and I felt like such a failure, that I hadn't produced a grandchild for her. My parents had never given us a hard time or exerted any pressure, but you could hear it in her voice when she talked about my cousin's twins that she was yearning to be a grandmother.

    Her treatment went well, and I ended up getting pregnant a few months later. It seems like nothing in retrospect, such a short time, but when you don't know if it's ever going to happen, it feels awful.

    Hang in there. I really relate to all of your posts, so thank you for reminding me what it was like.

    1. Thank you, I really appreciate your feedback! I'm sure someday I will look back at this time and wonder why I placed so much stress on myself. You're right though - it's hard not to feel like a failure, and unfortunately, right now it's the most important aspect of my life. I'm so glad to hear that you made it over this hill in one piece. It gives me hope that I can do the same!