Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Childless marriage isn't all bad

Last night my husband and I went out for ice cream at a popular local place. The line was long so we had plenty of time to people-watch while we waited. We observed that the family in front of us had five kids. FIVE?! I hope those fertiles realize how lucky they are. At this point I would do about anything just to have ONE. 

We also noticed the couple who spoke at our pre-marriage class (a requirement of our Catholic marriage) about using the rhythm method to plan their family. Well, apparently they wanted to be blessed with many children (that or they didn't quite understand how to chart her cycles) because they were surrounded by kids. Ah, the irony of it. I obsessively chart my cycles every month in order to get pregnant and we can't seem to make it happen. Yet they, who supposedly did not want that many kids, are given a plethora. If they remembered us from that long-ago marriage class they would probably pity us. Almost seven years of marriage and no herd of kids to accompany us. 

I pity us too, but not too much. I have a pretty good life. We've traveled, bought a house, bought a dog, traveled some more and adopted a stray kitty. We have the freedom to go out for drinks whenever we want, take a random weekend get-away, and spend a whole sleepy Sunday in bed. I've gotten very involved in community theater and I don't think I could commit to so many rehearsals if I knew my hubby was stuck at home with the kids. I've been able to spend years of my adult life concentrating on my marriage (thus making it stronger) and myself (thus keeping me sane and well-balanced). I'd like to think that all of these experiences will make me a better mom. So, to our much anticipated firstborn, please come soon and join the family! We're ready for you!! In the meantime, I'll try to be patient and enjoy the extra time I have with your daddy...and I'll try not to glare (too much) at every large brood I see. 


7 comments:

  1. It is really good for me to hear this and be reminded from time to time about the good things in my life, as I am liable to forget. Thank you for the reminder. I too hope our first born is nearly ready to join us, but until then I will try a bit harder to enjoy my latest lie in, or unplanned weekend away.

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    1. I have plenty of dark days where I spend a lot of time feeling sorry for myself. I've always been a "future person" - always dreaming about what life will be like in a few months or years, yearning for things that I'm working towards. Every once in a while I make myself take a step back and look at the present. Okay, so I don't have the children that I thought I would have by now, but at least I have a husband who loves me and a comfortable home. When I look at it that way I think I've got it pretty good. :)

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  2. There are experiences that I am happy to have had that were possible only because I didn't have children, and I too like to think that they have made me a better person and thus one day a better mother. And my marriage is stronger for them as well. All that is good, right? But then on the other hand, it would be nice to have a child to throw it all into relief - I'll appreciate more being able to go away for the weekend at the drop of the hat once I am no longer able to do so!

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    1. Oh, I agree! I definitely take it for granted that we have the luxury of being spontaneous. Although, I also find myself planning my life around a possible pregnancy.

      Wait, we can't go to that 8 months from now because maybe I'll be too pregnant to do it... Or, we can't buy tickets to that because maybe we'll have a newborn by then!

      Argh, how frustrating!

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  3. Found your blog at LFCA - I'm very sorry you are dealing with the emotional stess of losing your mother *and* infertility. Lord knows the infertility part is hard enough. Anyway, you had me at "community theater"! I love community theater, though I don't do it as much as I wish I could. Are you in a show right now?

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    1. Hooray for community theater! I'm not currently in a show. I was in "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" last fall, helped out backstage with "The Philadelphia Story" this winter and now I'm taking some time off. When's the last time you did a show?

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  4. It's awesome that you're able to see the bright side of infertility... I agree that I too have a strengthened marriage as a result of all the uninterrupted "us-time" that we've had to share with each other. We are entering into the stage of life where many of our couple friends are now discussing divorce... At one point, I was envious of their happy, child-full marriage, but 10 years later it looks like we are the happier ones. Very ironic.

    But still. I'm with you... yes, we're happy and we've had a lot of life experiences... now come on baby! Let's get a move on!

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