Wednesday, March 28, 2012

There is still hope

You know what's awesome? Hearing that an infertile friend is pregnant. She just told me today and I was amazed at my reaction. Usually when I hear that someone is pregnant my first thought is, "Damn it! Why her and not me?" I then try to squelch my jealousy and utter a phrase of congratulations with a fake smile plastered on my face. Later I go home and cry about the unfairness of it all and then feel really guilty for being so bitter.

But not today! My friend uttered those dreaded words and I immediately felt happy for her. I know she knows exactly how I feel about everything and that makes it easier to hear about her triumph. I have a couple friends who are infertile and I've always secretly been afraid of how I'd feel if/when they ever found a way to escape our predicament. I thought I would feel jealous (per usual) and perhaps feel even more bitter because they won and I didn't. I'm so pleased that I'm able to feel the exact opposite for my friend. I was so happy that I left our lunch date practically floating. Maybe it's because she has given me a wonderful gift....hope! If she can do it then so can I (at least I really, really, really want to believe that's true). 

Perhaps I'll cry about it later, but for now I am savoring this intense feeling of hope. 

2 comments:

  1. How wonderful that you could feel hopeful after hearing the news! I had a friend who struggled with IF, too, who recently got pregnant. I was genuinely happy for her, which was such a relief for me. I have had a few moments of sadness when I saw her facebook belly pictures, but she gives me hope, too.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm sure I'll also have my ups and downs as I watch her pregnancy progress, but it does feel satisfying to know that someone from "our team" has made it through the woods. Which makes me think that maybe I shouldn't be so quick to judge the new moms that I see everywhere. Who knows, maybe they've had to deal with IF as well and, in that case, how can I begrudge them their happiness? But, unfortunately it seems that irrational, hormonal responses are just part of being an infertile. I'm sure all those fertility drugs don't help!

    ReplyDelete