Friday, March 30, 2012

The monster returns

My period returned today. I have mixed feelings about this. 

1. Hooray! Now my body is returning to "normal" and I can start charting my cycles and we can get down to some serious baby making. Hopefully all this endo treatment has cleared up my nasty uterus and my womb is now open for rent. (Comfortable womb now available, utilities included, all embryos welcome).
2. Damn. I know I had a BFN (big fat negative) this weekend but I was still hopeful that maybe I could be pregnant. I called the doc's office yesterday and they said to abstain from sex for the next 10 days (sorry honey, the doc said no) so they could do a blood test to confirm whether I was or was not pregnant. If not, they would give me some magical drugs to make my period start.  
3. Relief. Now I won't have to wait any longer to find out if I'm actually carrying another life or not. It's time to move on and I will try to do so graciously.
4. Fear. For years now my periods have been accompanied by intense cramps. I sit here on pins and needles waiting for the pain to come. Supposedly, my endo treatment should help me live pain free for awhile, but I'm still skeptical. 

Right now the predominant feeling is Damn, but I'm trying hard to ignore Fear, move onto Relief and subsequently embrace Hooray


  1. The emotions associated with infertility and the arrival of yet another period are crazy and sometimes downright confusing. It is hard to be a woman, and even harder to be one dealing with IF.

    I hope that things go better this week!

  2. Oh endo, how I loathe thee. My BFF during CD 1 and 2 is my warm and friendly heating pad, to ease the awful awful pain. I feel for you!